Deep Stuff (Besides the Snow)

I have been attending a parenting class entitled Circle Of Security every Tuesday for 4 weeks now.  It's a commitment for another 5 weeks; two hours each week. While it's not a How-To Guide To Parenting, it is intended to help you connect with your child in ways that will help them feel more secure well into their adult lives.  And ya gotta be ready to learn a bit about yourself too and how you were parented ... It's deep stuff.  

I recently had the opportunity to practice the most important point I've learned thus far - acknowledging and "being with" Greysen through his emotions.  It sounds more complicated than it really is (or maybe not).  It's really about just labeling the emotion your little one is feeling, especially when they don't really know what it is.  Then let him feel it instead of trying to change it.  The very common reaction from a parent is generally to talk them out of the emotion.  You know the deal ... In response to their protestations about certain things: "There's nothing to be afraid of in the dark." "Oh you like school." "Oh, swimming lessons are fun."

Last weekend, Greysen started swimming lessons for the first time.  He's been swimming with me and his Dada multiple times so I know that he likes it.  For some reason though, he protested swimming. "I can't go swimming because I'm a taratula and tarantulas can't swim."  "I can't swim because I'm a T-Rex and they have really short arms."  In an attempt to talk him into enjoying swimming lessons instead of avoiding them, my response in the past would have been: "Oh, I know there are some T-Rex's that swam really well. And there is a special kind of tarantula that swims too."

Instead, this time, I responded, "Greysen, sometimes swimming lessons can be really scary.  Mama was scared of swimming lessons when I was your age.  Do you feel scared?"  Greysen's whole body posture changed.  He seemed to collapse into himself.  He responded: "Yes, I'm scared. I don't want to go in the water without my arm floaties.  And I don't want to swim without you."  Turns out he had all the wrong ideas about what swimming lessons were and what he'd have to do there.  And I learned that I had the wrong idea about how to respond to his emotions.

We talked more about how scary it was for Mama when I was his age and how sometimes learning new things are scary.  And then I told him that they can be fun too.  And that we'll just take it one step at a time and we'll make sure to do only what he's comfortable doing. 

By the time we got into the car to head to swimming lessons, Greysen told me he was going to be brave and get into the water.  When we got there, he went straight to the edge ready to jump in without arm floaties and without me.  The conversation gave him a whole new level of confidence that I didn't anticipate.  And it made me feel that much more connected to my little guy; something worth every minute I spend attending this class.